I used to believe that everyone was having these crazy porn-style multiple orgasms where they just explode within 2 minutes of penetration…
And like I was the only one struggling to come at all.
Sound familiar?
If you’re struggling to orgasm OR to have the kind of orgasms you truly desire, I’m here to tell you this:
You are NOT broken…
And there’s NOTHING wrong with your body.
There are reasons why you – and 46% of women in general – struggle to orgasm…
And it has nothing to do with how well you perform!
Or which position you choose.
In fact, the real reasons go so much deeper and nobody ever talks about them.
So in the video below I’ll shine a light on what’s really going on when you struggle to orgasm so that you can start to invite the full spectrum of orgasmic pleasure into your life.
It’s time that women all over the world get to heal their orgasmic nature.
It’s time for us to learn to be sexual on our own terms.
And to honor the fact that we are deeply sensual, pleasure-filled beings.
To your orgasms,
Transcript:
This is why 46% of women struggle to orgasm
When you come to me and say, I’m struggling. I can’t have the orgasm that I want. That I desire. What I will always say to you is you are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with your body, what your body is doing. Makes perfect sense given what you’ve experienced. And this is so important for me to say to you, because you might be experiencing so much shame or a sense that there’s something wrong with your body. And every other woman out there is having like porn star orgasms and cosmopolitan magazine style orgasms, and like, just like getting wet and orgasming like on touch or like after like the first couple of like pumps of a penis,
Do I? You like it? Yes. Right? It,
Nobody is doing that. So I do wanna talk to you though about why 46% of women are having this fundamental issue. So women’s bodies are wise. Your body is wise. If you are not having an orgasm, it’s because your body doesn’t think it’s safe enough; because your body isn’t having the experience of celebration and love that she desires and needs to be orgasmic.
It is because belief systems that you have about sex and pleasure. It’s because of potential experiences in your past, or it’s because someone that you’re having sex with expects you to function like a machine and you don’t function like a machine. You’re a human being. You’re a woman, you’re a living mystery with so much magic inside of you. So the biggest thing I wanna communicate to you is nothing is wrong with your body. Your body is always doing what makes sense given the circumstances.
One of the biggest reasons that I uncover why women struggle to orgasm is because of sexual repression, sex negativity, living in a sexually toxic and violent culture for a woman that shit gets in there. And it gets in there deep religious upbringing gets in there feeling like you’ll be slut shamed, or, you know, kicked out of society. Even as a little girl, as a teenager for wanting to masturbate, for being curious about others, for wanting to be sexual, that fear gets in there and it sits deep inside of your nervous system.
And even though your mind is saying, I want an orgasm, your deep deep mind is saying, oh hell no. And it’s saying no, because it makes sense given what you’ve experienced. If you’ve been told over and over and over again in your life that a sexual woman is sinful or dirty or wrong or bad, or to deserve to be slut shamed, or will never get married that gets in there.
And I’m not just making this up. This isn’t my theory. I’ve been teaching now for 11 years, I’ve worked with like tens of thousands of women. I see what heals women’s orgasmic nature, what allows a woman to become orgasmic and it is never, your body was broken and now it’s fixed.
It is always where do you have shame that you’ve never looked at? Where are you afraid, where you’ve never felt it inside? What messages made you feel like it was unsafe to be your deep sexual self? And let me tell you the way that we talk about women, the way that we treat women sexually, the way that most women don’t get quality sex education, the way that most women have destructive and unconscious first sexual experiences or many sexual experiences over years and years, I don’t actually think why do 46% of women struggle to have orgasms? I think, oh my gosh, how amazing is it that 54% of women actually orgasm at all.
And your orgasms get better and better and better the more you celebrate your body. And the more that you unwind this deep, toxic social conditioning that comes from all angles. And I don’t mean that you had to have some horrible trauma or that your family had to like, absolutely tell you that sex was negative. Our culture alone will do it to you.
The pressure alone to be like women are in pornography, the pressure to perform for someone, the pressure to not feel like you can say what you desire or honor your body, or be sexual and spiritual, or be sexual and good or sexual and powerful or sexual and a leader, all of that. It gets into your body. It stops your orgasm. So that’s the number one thing that I see.
And the second thing is that women go through a lot sexually. I can’t even believe the stories I hear all the time of like my husband just expects that he can just stick his penis in my vagina, you know, on Thursdays and then he wonders why I’ve never had an orgasm. or, you know, my husband kisses me a couple of times and then decides to put his fingers in me and then wonders why I don’t feel pleasure the way that porn stars do.
Women go through crazy stuff sexually. And even if your partner doesn’t do it to you, let’s be honest. We do it to ourselves. Why don’t I look like that? Why don’t I perform like that? Why don’t I function like that? So it’s very, very, very rare that we get to have the kind of sex that we desire that makes us happy.
So right now women have spent thousands of years trying to fit into the patriarchal sexual narrative, which is that you need to be young and attractive and orgasmic and you need to be sexual on my terms. And the truth is that doesn’t work for the vast majority of women. You have to learn to be sexual on your terms. And you might not even know what that means.
If you never honored your desires before, if you’ve never really looked inside of like, what’s going on in there, what do I really want? What do I really desire? If you don’t even own the fact that you are a deeply pleasure filled sexual being, then how can you have sex on your own terms?
Final piece. There’s this class of women where they’re looking to have the orgasm that they saw in, When Harry Met Sally. Yes, Yes, yes. Oh God.
Or like what they think the porn stars are doing, but they have these like rivulettes of ecstasy all throughout their body that just like, like pulsate and pulsate and pulsate. And when I’m like, that’s an orgasm. They’re like what? I’m like,yeah, no one talks about it. Cuz most men don’t feel it, but that’s an orgasm. And they’re like, holy shit, I’m orgasmic.
So I have never seen a woman that didn’t fit into one of those categories and start to have the kind of orgasms that she deeply desires from following that path. And part of what I wanna say to you is that there’s a process.
There are things that you can do, there are ways that you can claim your orgasm and have sex on your own terms and the amount of healing and empowerment that comes from that is just amazing. So it’s deep. All right. <laugh>
Hopefully this has, you know, helped you and supported you and given you permission and empowered you just from being here and if you wanna stay connected, which I would absolutely love, head on over to LaylaMartin.com, sign up with your email address. I will send you amazing content every single week.
You can also download my ebook, Wild Woman in the Bedroom. The link’s down below; it’s totally free. And it’s got loads of different practices and step by step things you can actually do to heal your sexuality and to experience the true nature of your orgasm. And don’t forget to subscribe to the channel. If you haven’t already.
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