A flow state during sex gives you ultimate intimacy and out-of-this-world pleasure.
When you’re in a flow state, you’re present, focused, and there’s a fluidity between your body, mind, and the task at hand.
So when this happens during sex, you and your partner(s) are riding a timeless wave of orgasmic pleasure and connection.
You’re completely in sync with each other and there’s no judgment, fear, or control…
Instead, there’s complete immersion and enjoyment in the sexual experience.
This is the sex dreams are made of.
And it’s totally achievable!
In this week’s episode, I’m giving you step-by-step guidance on how to enter a flow state during sex.
Enjoy the video below!
You can get into a sexual flow state more easily by learning the 5 holistic tools I teach in my FREE Sacred Sexuality Starter Kit! You’ll get 5 practices that teach you my 5 core sacred sexuality tools for profound levels of pleasure, power, and liberation.
How to Enter a Flow State During Sex
So this is all about how to be in a flow state during sex. So a flow state you can think of when you’re just like… well, let me tell you what the opposite of a flow state is for me. The opposite of a flow state is I worked all day. I’m super stressed out. I’m not even sure if I really want to hook up right now with Andrew.
Oh God. Now it’s taking… Oh, I’m taking too long. I can’t get into it. I don’t feel that much. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh God. Now he’s stressed out.
He needs to keep going and now I feel obligated to him and oh, maybe there’s going to be some pain because I’m not really that turned on. Do I even really want to be doing this? Oh God, maybe we’re not even in love after all. And oh shit, that’s the opposite of flow state sex for me.
When I’m like so flow state sex is basically when I’m like, yes, yes, yes. Let’s call the flow state the surrender light, right? When you’re fully surrendered, it’s like the entire universe is penetrating you in the form of your partner or your own dildo or whatever is going on. So you are in such a deep state of surrender to whatever is happening. Flow state is right before surrender. You’re riding the wave of sexual experience.
So if you want to learn the five holistic sex tools, which is part of my unique VITA methodology for being able to access your greatest sexual experiences, your deepest intimacies, your most profound relationships, then you can go ahead and check out the Sacred Sexuality Starter Kit.
There’s a link for it down below. It’s a totally free training about how to use these five holistic tools. Breath work, sounding, mindfulness, movement and energy to be able to enter the most ecstatic, most divine states of sexuality that you possibly can. So you can check that out.
So the biggest key to sexual flow is mindfulness. So mindfulness is basically a level of presence where you can allow sensations, emotions, and thoughts to exist without trying to control them. So mindfulness is basically being in presence with your body and with your experience without trying to change it.
Now, this sounds so simple, but just like mindfulness is challenging in life, mindfulness when you’re sitting there meditating. I don’t know about you, but it sounds simple. I’m just going to sit here and I’m going to be aware of my thoughts.
No, God, but not that one. Or I’m just going to sit here and I’m going to be okay with my sensations for two seconds and then I’m going to forget about it. Or I’m going to be okay with my emotions, except for all the rage inside of me that I don’t want to feel.
So it’s like, yeah, sure. I’ll be mindful of my experience, but then not that part.
So the same thing happens during sex. When you’re mindful during sex, you have to change the idea that sex is only about pleasure. Because when you become mindful during sex, you realize that sex, just like life, involves everything.
How many times do you sit down to meditate?
If you meditate and you’re like this time I will feel peace and my thoughts will not disturb me. I will not have haunting future horror stories of the apocalypse that’s certainly going to happen in my life. You’re just like, I will control my reality and then it doesn’t happen. You get everything when you sit down and meditate, it’s all of life is happening within you.
Well, the same thing happens during sex. People go to have sex and they’re like, I will only feel pleasure. When you try to only feel pleasure, you’re in such a state of control in your prefrontal cortex that you shut down the greatest, richest, deepest pleasure of your body and you for sure can’t go into a flow state because you’re Judgy Mcjudge-face, mind is all up in there trying to control your reality and it doesn’t work.
So this is why I have said before to Instagram’s consternation at times, and to the world’s upset at different times, that sex is an active form of meditation and meditation is a still form of sex.
Because in meditation, when you bring mindfulness, you discover the truth of what you are. In sex when you bring mindfulness, you discover the truth of what you are. Sex is meditation by any other name when you’re practicing it with a deep mindfulness.
So when that happens, you have to let go of this attachment to sex looking a certain way. Just like when you sit down to meditate, what’s required is you let go of your inner reality having to look a certain way.
The deeper you get into meditation, the more you can accept the entire spectrum of reality within you. The more you’re able to have a magical, beautiful, sensational, rich reality of aliveness while remaining centered.
The same thing is possible during sex. We have to throw out our preconceived notions of what sex is.
What’s fascinating is even though so many of us hunger, deeply hunger, for flow state during sex, the way we’re conditioned, the way we’re taught to have sex, especially as women, but actually this affects people of all genders on the spectrum, is that is the opposite of sexual flow.
Because, I’ll just speak from the female perspective, that I got taught that I have to look perfect. I have to perform, I have to orgasm fast enough. I should probably have five orgasms.
I should definitely have an orgasm depending on whatever my lover’s doing; not depending on my own unique desires.
I should definitely get out of my head and be feeling fantastic multi-orgasmic bliss right inside of my pussy, even though the entire world told me that my pussy is dirty, and shameful, and sex is wrong and I’m a slut if I really enjoy it.
So what happens is instead of having the magical sex that I desire, I’m all kinds of confusion inside of my body. So conditioning is working against me and when I start to feel, I’m going to feel everything.
I’m going to feel the places where I’m afraid. I’m going to feel the places where I’m angry. I’m going to feel the places where I’ve been hurt before in sex. I’m going to want to climax real hard.
So in order to become mindful during sex requires unwinding my idea of what sex is. Just like to meditate requires unwinding what my idea about being a human being is. About what my idea of even the full nature of reality is.
So when I say be mindful during sex, it sounds kind of simple, but actually it’s a whole rabbit hole into the most profound ecstasy, the spirituality portals, the most divine intimacy and orgasms in connection you could possibly have, but the price you have to pay at the door, the ticket cost, if you will, is that you have to be willing to be fully alive during sex.
That means getting rid of the notion of performing, of only feeling pleasure, of being exactly what your partner desires for you to be, regardless of your own reality. It asks you to step into a greater level of sexual maturity beyond probably what you’ve felt before and to allow all sensations during sex. To allow all emotions during sex, to feel your thoughts going by and letting them be like clouds.
I’m not good enough. So what. I am not going fast enough, so what. It requires letting reality happen within you. What happens is that starts to unlock your deeper reality, your primal reality, where the best sex lives.
You have to get out of this idea that it’s going to look how you think it’s going to look and you have to let sex become so much deeper, richer, more meaningful, more emotional, more sensitive than you probably ever thought.
What’s required is to ditch our perfectionism about sex and to have the courage and willingness to discover what it really is underneath.
So this is why you can read all of the seven tips to better orgasms that you want, or try this blow job/ cunnilingus thing with everybody at the same time, and it doesn’t quite work.
Because you can do all the tools and tips that you want, but if you’re compressing your essential sexual magnificence out of fear and conditioning, you’ll never actually uncover what’s truly in there.
Most of us who are hungry for more are like I know that sex can be more. I know that it can be more intimate. I know it can be more deep. I know it can shake me to the core. How do I get there?
It’s these kinds of tools, but they’re not simple to apply. They’re actually very deep because they start unraveling your entire conception of what reality is through your own sexuality, which is so delicious at the same time and is also, it’s a whole process.
So if you are interested in starting to apply this in your life, if you want to take this into your self practice, because you can do this solo. In fact, I highly recommend you start practicing solo, whether you have a partner or not. Or with a partner, eventually.
You can go ahead and check out how to apply these practices in the Sacred Sexuality Starter Kit down below. Again, totally free and it’s a wide array of classes and teachings that you can dive into right away.
Please go ahead and subscribe to the YouTube channel so you don’t miss a single, single video and go ahead and share in the comments below what does a state of sexual flow feel like to you?
Sometimes for those of us who have never experienced it before, it’s really inspiring to hear how other people experience it.
Even if you have experienced it before, it’s inspiring to hear what’s available out there so you can know that a wide variety, a garden of delights that awaits you.