I know many of you deal with long-distance separation and anxieties, and this is one of the most common video topic requests I get.
Andrew and I were in a long-distance relationship not long after we started dating (I’ll tell that story below…) and we had to get creative with how to keep our sexual connection strong with 10,000 miles – or 16,000 kilometers according to Andrew – of distance between us.
So, for those of you love-birds who know the aching of long-distance hearts…here are some sexy tips to keep your long-distance relationship and intimacy alive and thriving.
Download my free 12-minute guided audio to try the Fears, Desires, and Loves practice with your partner.
Transcript:
Sex Tips for Long-Distance Relationships
So some really great ideas to try are to share from your point of view memories of your hottest sexual experiences together, things that you miss about your partner, things that you’re craving from them. This is also a great time to figure out how to take super sexy photos of yourself.
So here is a pro tip, lighting is everything. You can actually get little iPhone lights or mini ring lights that are super affordable and they will make you look way hotter in your photos. So it’s great to send sexy sensual, teasing photos, and to figure out what actually turns your partner on. You can ask them, what would you like to see of me right now? And then do your best to send some super erotic photos.
You can also describe self pleasuring sessions, you can do this via video or text. And you can also send audio clips of yourself, describing your fantasies with your partner that you’re experiencing in the moment. If you’re in any way worried about any of these photos or videos being made public, you can send them via an app called Signal, which is double end to end encrypted and used for all manner of shady things and also all manner of erotic and explicit things. You can also set for your text and your videos to automatically delete after 24 hours, which can be really awesome as well if you want to make sure that those never fall into the wrong hands.
You can have Signal app calls or FaceTiming videos where you strip for each other, ask each other to do things to each other, or ask each other, like, basically you can say, I want to see you do X, Y, and Z, and have your partner do it for you and then they can express what they want to see from you. So you can have super sexy masturbation time. This also really helps remove shame from your relationship. So sometimes when you can just like get together and have intercourse, you lose some of that creativity.
Also as well, it’s so empowering for a couple to lose any sense of shame around self pleasuring, around the way you touch yourself, and so what can be so amazing actually is through this time you can develop a really shameless relationship to how you self-pleasure, how you express yourself sexually, how you show up and ask each other for what you want to see. So it’s actually a rich opportunity to deepen your sexual connection, even though you’re apart.
So you can surprise and delight each other with a secret photo album, that’s ultra sexy. You can send your partner photos on the regular or videos on the regular and really challenge yourself. Get over some of that nervousness. I know that I’ve had it.
Actually. I’m part of a WhatsApp group where, we’re not going to go into details, but part of the thing is you’re supposed to send, share ass photos of yourself. It’s actually a friend group, but it’s like part of the thing. And I was like, oh, what if my ass doesn’t look good enough? How could I actually like photograph my own ass? And I was like, Layla, you can do this. If not you then who?
So I was like in front of the mirror, trying all the lighting and it was actually a beautiful way to explore my own sensuality, my own blind spots around where I get nervous or insecure. And also it’s a great challenge to be like, how can I make my ass look as amazing as possible with just me, a single light and my iPhone. It’s like, woo that’s a Sunday.
So get yourself into it, drop into it, really apply yourself to figure out how can I look sexy in videos? How can I tease? This will help you throughout your entire relationship. You can also set up really sexy date nights. So bubble bath date nights together, shared hike experiences, really do things together. Realize that you can do a lot together via video. You can share meals, really sharing your day.
If your partner loves gifts, if that’s their love language, then make sure to ship them cool stuff, send them stuff that’s going to surprise and delight them. If your partner loves words of affirmation, make sure to compliment them, send them compliments every single day. If your partner loves quality time, make sure to set up lots of dates, lots of sexual experiences. And if your partner likes… Oh, what is the other… Oh, acts of service, find out what you can do for them. Find out how you can show up for them in their life even when you’re distant.
So basically don’t let the distance be an excuse to let your relationship founder? Flounder? Founder? Flounder, but make sure to have this time apart be a way to grow together stronger and fall even more in love.
One of my favorite exercises that couples absolutely love is called fears, desires and loves. This is a 12 to 15 minute process where you actually do structured sharing with each other. And I find that when you’re apart, this can be so good for the heart to actually share what you’re afraid of, what you desire and what you love about each other. It creates deep intimacy. And if you really get this practice down while you’re apart, you’ll continue to practice it while you’re together, which really will strengthen and deepen your relationship.
So I’ve included that down below as a 12 minute guided audio that you can listen to together and it will structure your sharing. So you can go ahead and click down below, it’s totally free and it will guide you through the fears, desires, and loves, and you can use it indefinitely inside of your partnership.
Go ahead and subscribe to the channel and have amazing sexting experiences. And you can thank me for Signal later, it’s an amazing app. That’s where all the drug dealers are.
(singing)