Sometimes I really don’t want to have sex with Andrew.
Like straight up, sometimes I’d rather have invasive dental surgery than have sex.
Uggggg…I know…it’s not something I feel amazing about.
And if you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you can probably relate.
That being said, what always blows my mind is that when we do end up making love – despite the resistance – it’s freaking amazing 98% of the time.
So why the resistance?
Well, that’s a whole other huge topic I’ll be writing to you soon about.
But in the meantime, I want to tell you what gets me through the resistance and back into the pleasure.
It’s not pressuring myself to have intercourse…
But connecting with Andrew erotically in different ways.
We do sexual things without the pressure for…
P into V, if you know what I mean.
What do we do instead?
Discover the 3 practices we use to connect intimately in the video below
I’m super passionate about sharing these practices because SO many couples long for connection…
But intercourse just feels like too much…
Or the pressure shuts you down…
But when you give yourself the space to connect erotically without that pressure…
So many amazing things can happen.
I also love these practices for new moms…
Who often long for erotic connection…
But don’t desire intercourse.
And this gives you the option to connect deeply without that pressure.
Transcript:
3 Ways To Have Sex Without Intercourse
So recently I found myself getting like more and more shut down to Andrew in the bedroom. I could open myself to sex, but it wasn’t feeling natural. There was still, even in my head, this idea that sex was intercourse. Like I know that this isn’t true, but sometimes it still just gets in there. Like if we’re gonna have sex, then intercourse has got to happen.
But what happened is I said to Andrew, I was like, look, we gotta go back. We gotta push the reset button.
And honestly, if I don’t necessarily want that after a long day of work, if I’m not feeling that well, and I want that erotic connection, I wanna feel close to you. I wanna feel good in my body. And you know what? Some of the time when we do that, I start to want sex.
So as soon as we started doing that again, and I just let him touch me and we did more pussy massage and some of the other things I’m gonna share with you in this video, my deep desire came back.
And for most women after the first couple of months of a relationship, your desire is no longer just there all the time. It has to be awakened. It has to be kindled. I’ve experienced childhood trauma. My body goes through different waves. Sometimes I’m processing more trauma. Sometimes I’m not, but my body just shuts down.
But women who have just had children, uh, women who have lost someone in their life, they’re grieving women who are going through an illness, women who have experienced assault, there’s all kinds of reasons. Why a woman also might not be just ready to go and excited about intercourse, not to mention sex equals intercourse is extremely heteronormative and it doesn’t take into account the many, many ways that people get down.
So I’m gonna share with you some of the ways that me and Andrew use to connect erotically and to what for me is make love deeply that doesn’t involve intercourse. Sometimes it’s even better than making love. It’s the level of presence that you show up with that dictates how connected you are, not any kind of body part fitting into any other kind of body part.
So the first process is essential touch practice and what this is, is touching or connecting skin to skin with your partner, where you’re both fully present and fully connected in one way or another. So one of my favorite meditations from the big Vijnana Bhairava Tantra is one of the Sutra says while being caressed sweet princess, enter the caress as everlasting life. So it’s touching and being touched with a sense of presence and openness to the sensation of the connection that is deeply profound.
So sometimes Andrew will stroke my hair and I will be completely connected to the sensation of him stroking my hair. Sometimes I’ll actually ask him to place his hand over my womb while I just breathe in and out gently.
Sometimes we’ll cradle each other. So we’re belly to belly and we’ll take deep inhales into our stomachs and just feeling our stomachs rising and falling together can be so exquisite.
Andrew loves being tickled with my nails. I’ll do this, not just for like 30 seconds or a minute and a half, and like, I’m just doing this for my partner. No, this is a full experience. So I’m like scratching him and I’m full into it. Like this is our first date, I’m putting that much effort into the touch, into the connection.
So the second, erotic practices I highly recommend are penis and or pussy massage. So I’ve made detailed videos on both of these practices that you can check out. And I love penis and pussy massage because it gives such freedom. This is so valuable for new mothers. It’s so valuable for people who have experienced trauma, assault, things like that, and their body isn’t ready for the pressure of intercourse.
It’s also so amazing for long term couples because me and Andrew, we go in waves. Sometimes we’re really hot for each other. Sometimes we’re really craving intercourse. Sometimes we’re not so into it. When we do penis and pusy massage regularly, we get to stay in that sexual vibration, that sexual connection, but neither of us have to have that much desire. If I get a pusy massage two weeks in a row, my sexuality will be much more active, much more alive. There’s no need to be craving each other. There’s no need to have to go and have sex or whatever it is that you’re thinking inside, but you still get this way of being so bonded with each other.
And my third favorite practice comes from the Tantric tradition. It’s called Yab-Yum, it’s a specific seated position where the heavier partner tends to sit underneath and the lighter partner or the shorter partner tends to sit on top and wrap their legs around the other partner.
Now, this is designed in tantra because when you sit this way, your chakras line up. So it’s a really beautiful way to get energetically attuned. I love doing deep pelvic breathing while you’re sitting in YAB-Yum, and you can touch foreheads, so your third eye is connected. You can even kiss when you’re in this position. And what it does is it allows for tremendous intimacy.
This is an excellent thing to do for someone who is more energetically turned on and more energetically sensitive, there is this cool thing that JIA who’s an amazing sex teacher has been developing, which is that different people get turned on by different things.
There are people who love sensational touch. People who get really turned on by physical sexuality, people who get really turned on by energy. So the first practice is great. Sensational touch for you, sensational people, penis and pussy massage is excellent for you physical sexual people. And then this practice, the Yab-Yum seated position is excellent for people who get really turned on energetically. But as you’re doing these practices to really focus on not being in a goal oriented state. The goal drops away when you’re so present in the experience that there’s nowhere else that you would rather be.
So if you wanna stay connected head on over to LaylaMartin.com, sign up with your email address. I have also included the download link to my ebook for couples below. So this is actually a really detailed, comprehensive book that walks you step by step through so many practices that you can do together as a couple. It also has the step by step guided penis and pussy massage, as well, and totally free. You can find that by clicking the link down below.
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