Women HATE It When You Do These 5 Things During Sex

This week’s video shares the top 5 most hated things that women experience during sex.

(Are you guilty of one of these or experienced them yourself?)

I made this video for two reasons:

1. To help guide you in how to touch women if you have female lovers or partners…

2. For the women who want to feel more support and validation around what does and doesn’t work for your body.

The female body deserves to be worshipped on her terms.

And if we respected women’s bodies and filled them with sexual pleasure and delight, the whole world would light up.

Want more ways to experience epic sex and legendary love? Download my FREE Epic Lovers Digital Guide!

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Transcript:

Women REALLY Hate it When You Do These 5 Things During Sex

So I felt so inspired to make this video when I started going to Andrew to some LA play parties again so we hadn’t been in a couple of years. And I’ll talk to you more about this and our adventures of being monogamish.

But I witnessed things where I was like, “Holy shit, people are still doing that, guys still do this and what the fuck? Women hate this.” And these are generally conscious, generally woke dudes that can actually, sit down and receive feedback. So I was watching and zooming in like, “Oh my God, if they’re still doing this what is the rest of the world doing?”

And then as well, I was like, “No woman or lover must have ever given them this feedback.” So this video is both for you if you might be doing these things which thank you for being here and watching this and being willing to grow and learn. But this is also for you ladies, if a lover is doing something that you hate, tell them. It doesn’t matter if that’s what it looks like in porn, it doesn’t matter if that’s what you think should turn you on. If it doesn’t turn you on, we have to be in communication with our partners about this or they’re never going to learn.

All right, let’s drop in. Number one thing that women fuckin’ hate when you shove your fingers into their vagina, hard and fast when they’re not super turned on and don’t want it. This is like, “Ugh, you see it in porn so much,” and women fuckin’ hate it. So unless she’s super ultra turned on, absolutely, just cannot wait for penetration and even then the vast majority of women still like it softer and slower than you would think.

Now, is there the occasional woman who likes it rough, who likes to play that way? Yes, but they are extremely rare. They’ll tell you and that woman still wants to be really turned on before you do that. So here’s the thing as well, if you shove your fingers into a woman’s vagina before she’s turned on and ready, you actually shut down her feelings, her sensitivity, her orgasmic capacity. And what happens to women where this is done to their bodies all the time is they go numb. They start feeling pain during sex, they don’t actually, enjoy the experience because it’s shocking to their system. So when you overstimulate the nervous system it actually shuts down and numbs as a result.

So women watching this, if you have a partner or a lover who is doing this to you and it’s not what your body wants, please have this conversation. Please educate them, please let them know because God knows no amount of sex education or porn or even Hollywood has ever told them that this is not pleasurable.

Number two and this is related is, skipping foreplay. And I hate the word foreplay, I want our community to come up with a better word for foreplay. So if you can come up with a better word for foreplay that doesn’t indicate that it’s just about… It’s the pre-game to intercourse but it’s actually, just an erotic way to play that doesn’t include intercourse. Please go ahead and share in the comment section below, we will cite you as the creator of this new word because we really need something for it that’s not just foreplay.

However, skipping foreplay is hated so really making sure that your partner is turned on, is excited for sex and giving them as long as they need. So if you have in your mind, I’m going to do five minutes of foreplay and then we’re going to head to intercourse… Or if you have in your head, “She’d better be turned on in seven minutes or less or I’m not a great lover.” It takes as long as it takes.

And yes, sometimes in the beginning when hormones are running rampant and you’re really hot for each other, maybe it’s five minutes and you’re ripping your clothes off. But for the most part, actual real foreplay that really makes a woman so turned on and so ready for her full orgasmic experience is 20 minutes to 45 minutes.

It’s actually, being present. It’s actually, making out, do you remember making out. It’s actually, slowing down, touching, feeling, dropping in, taking the pressure off. Skipping that means that her body’s not warmed up.

When her body isn’t warmed up, it’s going to respond by tensing. So those of you who are watching this, who experienced this or those of you who have lovers who experienced this, pain during sex, numbness, not having orgasms, not feeling that turned on, not desiring you over time. It’s usually because you’re not spending enough time tuning in and really working with her body as opposed to rushing her towards something like intercourse which creates long term tension, shut down, numbness and disinterest inside of sex.

Number three is putting pressure on her to finish so what this means is expecting that your lover has to have an orgasm or sex wasn’t good. I can’t tell you how many women tell me, “My lover thinks that he or she or they are being so supportive by being like, ‘come for me, baby. Or you have to have an orgasm,’ that actually, it just puts all this pressure like I have to have an orgasm because his ego is riding on it. Or if I don’t have an orgasm, he’s going to feel insecure or like he’s not a good lover.”

It’s okay not to always have an orgasm. It’s okay not to focus on orgasm. It’s actually okay to focus on pleasure instead of orgasm. If you focus on pleasure and orgasm happens, it’s going to be a better orgasm anyways. If you focus on orgasm, it’s future oriented and pressure laden which actually, puts a woman out of her beingness which is where her greatest orgasm lie and into her judgey critical cortical mind which is where orgasms don’t actually, happen.

So you might think you’re being supportive by being like, “You must have an orgasm. I’m going to be a great lover and give you an orgasm.” But what happens is that it actually puts a lot of pressure on top of her. So a better way would be to think of yourself as in service of her pleasure, in service of her orgasm without any expectation or pressure that she has to have an orgasm.

Number four is assuming that you know what she likes and not taking her cues. So it’s a fantasy that women always like the same thing. No, they feel different every single day so part of being a deep and attentive lover is tuning into, “What does she feel like today? What’s her sexuality like today?”

Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t ever take leadership or you don’t ever guide the sexual experience but it means that you’re always in tune with where she’s at. You’re always listening, you’re always taking feedback.

Sometimes you try something and it feels awesome and you can tell, keep going but sometimes you try something and it’s not feeling awesome. One of the things that makes Andrew an exceptional lover is he noticed the moment that my pleasure takes a drop. He noticed the moment that I’m a little bit like, “Oh, maybe I’ll do this to please him.”

His body is so responsive and so sensitive that he instantly knows. He’ll literally stop and be like, “What just happened? Are you okay? I don’t want you to actually push yourself.” I think one of the most romantic things that Andrew ever said to me during a sexual encounter was I had this beautiful, incredible orgasmic experience and he was like, “Can I put on a condom and come inside of you?” And I was like, yeah.

And as soon as he did it, he could feel that I actually, wasn’t that into it and he was like, “I can tell you’re not that into it,” and I was like, “Yeah, that’s okay.” He was like, “Layla, you’re not a vessel for me to just use for my own sexual pleasure. Your pleasure turns me on. I only ever want to do something to you that you are a fuck yes to.”

That’s an amazing lover, it’s not like, “Your body is something that’s going to give me something or let me do things to your body that turn me on.” It’s like, “Let me find where your body’s the most responsive, where your body thrives, where your body is just lighting up in activation.” That’s an excellent lover.

And number five is closing your eyes and fantasizing about other people. Now, some of you might be like, “Really that’s obvious.” I can’t even tell you how many wives and girlfriends and long-term partners are like my male partner literally, just closes his eyes and I can tell he’s just watching porn in his head while he is making love to me.

That’s so fucked up, that’s so sad. And yes, it’s okay to fantasize sometimes or to agree as a couple that you want to fantasize about other people or there’s not huge shame around it because I’ve totally shared before that for the first years of my relationship with Andrew, I couldn’t actually, orgasm unless I fantasized about someone else.

So we do it and I took so much responsibility for that. It took about a year of work and now I never fantasize when I’m with Andrew. So it’s possible to address these pieces and closing your eyes and fantasizing about someone else while you’re having sex with an actual human being in front of you is damaging. It is disconnected, it’s not actually, the way that you want to think of your sexual experiences with your beloved on your deathbed.

So think about that, take responsibility. And I have created this video in a fiery way because I think these things are important. I want to make a stand for them and I also don’t want to shame anybody. We never got real sexual education, a lot of us grew up watching porn, that was our sexual education. Many of us have never actually known what’s beautiful or good or helps to make our bodies thrive in sex. And so we don’t always speak up for ourselves but this video is really a calling.

So if these things are happening to your body and you don’t love them, you deserve to stand up for yourself, you deserve to say, no. You deserve to have those conversations with your partner in a non shaming way and say, “I’m actually not okay with it.” If you close your eyes, check out and have jackrabbit sex with me I’m actually, not okay with it. If you put your fingers inside of my vagina before I am hell yes and a fuck yes…it’s important to have those conversations and start to really understand that your body is sacred and it’s okay to stand up for that.

And if you’ve been doing these things, it’s totally okay to have a moment of like, “Oh my God, I never knew,” but still to take full responsibility for your impact. You’re not having sex with a female body, you’re having sex with a human being, with a spirit and a soul and a destiny and sensitivity and heart and remember that. And that doesn’t mean we all have to have vanilla sex. It means that whatever sex you’re having, it deserves to be connected and consensual and deeply affirmative, no matter what that sex looks like.

So this is a rallying cry for our culture to get a lot more woke when it comes to the way that we’re having sex and really in our own individual relationships to take leadership over how our bodies experience erotic connection.

So go ahead and subscribe to the channel. And if you want to learn more about how to have more connected, more epic sexual experiences in partnership, I’ve included my Epic Lover’s Digital Guide down below, you can go ahead and click the link. You can enter your email address and you get it absolutely, for free. It takes you through the six different types of sex. And if you’re like, “Gee, I’d rather do things that women love instead of what women hate,” then go ahead and check out that digital guide down below.