About twenty years before I was born, in the 1960s, the first cohort of women were admitted to Harvard Business School.
There were no bathrooms for the eight women, so they had to make their own makeshift sign saying “Women’s Restroom,” which they hung whenever they had to go.
They couldn’t be part of the meal plan, because the dining hall was for men only.
When they graduated with their Harvard Business degrees, not a single job offer came in for any of them.
They watched their male peers juggle endless job offers, while they had to do the equivalent of begging for a career.
As women do, they eventually all made their way, but it was super hard.
The first female CEO of a Fortune 500 company, Katherine Graham, started around that time.
She was joined by Marion O. Sandler of Golden West Financial Corporation in 1972.
Those would be the only two female CEOs of Fortune 500 companies FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS.
When my mother decided to get a business degree, even in the 1970s it was still a radical notion.
She never wanted to rely on a man to survive, she said.
And she was so incredibly grateful that when my dad turned out to be hiding some intensely shadowy things when I was very, very young, her business degree fed us both after their divorce…
And thank god…because it wasn’t until the 1960s that women were even allowed to have their own bank accounts in America.
What the f**k did you do as a divorced single mother before that?
I guess that’s why women didn’t divorce cheating and/or abusive husbands.
So that’s the world I was born into… only twenty years out of women being able to have bank accounts and getting business degrees.
I am interrupting this letter to let you know about something that is really important to my heart…it’s called Proposition 122: The Natural Medicine Health Act in the State of Colorado. It will legalize access to psychedelic medicines to treat mental health conditions.
I care about this so much because I believe that it is one of the fastest ways for us to resolve and integrate trauma in our society, which is a huge key for healing families and hearts and souls. Colorado is also my home state 😉
If you care about this too, you can support in a few different ways:
- VOTE yes on prop 122 if you are a voter in the State of Colorado
- Share about this on Social Media
- Donate to Natural Medicine Colorado
If you know any donors who could really move the needle, please forward this to them! The more we can get the word out, the more likely this is to pass.
This will fast track trauma healing for the most vulnerable in our society and also pave the way for more legalization all over the country! ❤️
Thank you, and back to the letter!!!
When I went to Stanford University at age 17, other students at my high school made comments about how I’d always be too smart to attract a high quality boyfriend because I’d intimidate him.
I was definitely super outspoken and fierce.
And, I was raised on “The Little Mermaid,” my favorite childhood movie.
“On land it’s much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?
Come on, they’re not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who’s withdrawn
It’s she who holds her tongue who gets the man…”
Since I was already shockingly outspoken, intimidating, and way too smart to get a man in the opinion of the world I grew up in…
I decided to become deeply spiritual and lead as the CEO of my own company…
Just to really prove how unchosen I could be by men who wanted…
I don’t know…?
Cartoon Ariel from the Little Mermaid who can’t speak or walk?
Barbie from 1992 who can’t fit her own organs in her body because she’s anatomically impossible?
Cher from Clueless?
Instead of aiming to become what I was told men wanted, I just decided to be myself.
After I had all the courage to become the leader of a company I’m super proud of that’s very financially successful in the first generation of women who could truly make their own way in business due to the internet…
…I thought society was really shifting the narrative about women and power and sex…
…but then it suddenly became really cool to call women like me “masculine” on social media.
All those polarity teachings seemed to deem my love of meditation “masculine.”
They assumed that a woman running a company had to be in her “masculine.”
Because something about running your own company and getting shit done and meditating can’t be feminine?
Now I’d really never attract alpha men as partners because I spent all day grinding to-do lists and doing meaningful shit in the world…
None of this impacted me very consciously because I was in three long-term relationships that mostly hid those fears of being undesirable.
I had high quality partners and Andrew loved me, so who cared about men generally when I’d found the ones who adored me?
So, forgive me when I share that when I uncoupled last year…
Some of those deeply embedded cultural fears that had gotten into my nervous system…
…just reared their ugly heads.
I was suddenly afraid.
That no “real man” would ever be attracted to me again…
That I’d only gotten even more powerful in my eight years with Andrew.
I was even more outspoken, with more businesses to my name and more spiritual depth…
Would I be attractive to “masculine” men?
Especially in LA, of all goddamn places.
I didn’t feel that way all the time, but I’d be lying if I said those fears didn’t creep up on me.
But I didn’t change myself, or twist myself.
I knew that to find the kind of sacred union I desired, it could only be through being myself.
And so I hid nothing.
Not an ounce of my power, my spiritual depth, my ferocity or my sensuality and magic.
And what I discovered truly astounded me.
I magnetized ultra Kings.
All of them very masculine, very sexy and very in their power.
And every single one of them; a meditator, connected to sacred sexuality and their own magic.
I haven’t been able to tell you about the men I’ve dated and how amazing they are while also keeping their experiences confidential…
I also haven’t wanted to be like “LOOK AT ME, I’M DATING EPIC MEN.” 🙄
But what I have wanted to say is that about six months after my relationship finished, when I got over long-COVID and my heart was truly ready…
I saw that the most desirable men…the men of heart and integrity and magic and power…
They were choosing magical, powerful, spiritual partners.
And my version of power looks like following my dharma and running companies.
But your version of power could look like motherhood, or being a spiritual leader or service.
The point is that you’re doing it from power, not from what society told you you should do to be attractive.
And I saw that it was not just me.
As I looked around at my circle of friends…and EVERY high quality, outspoken, powerful, brilliant woman I knew was partnered with an EPIC KING.
Or dating epic kings.
I realized that real men were CHOOSING sex witches.
They were marrying High Priestesses.
And on dates, single high quality men were very clear: they were looking for a woman like me.
They wanted confidence, and confidence comes from being who you really are in the world, no matter what that looks like.
And to be super clear, it doesn’t have to look like running a business, it can be whatever your truth is about how you want to express your power.
So I’ve wanted to run around screaming from the rooftops, naked,
“REAL MEN WANT WITCHY HIGH PRIESTESSES!!!”
WHAT WE GOT TOLD IS A TOTAL FUCKING LIE…THEY WANT OUR SENSUALITY AND OUR POWER.
Now, here is the caveat…
I didn’t just simply own my power and run a business.
I cultivated my sensuality and sexual energy for decades.
I devoted myself to sacred sexuality practices and my own erotic power.
I absolutely sparkle with radiance and heart.
I love the divine masculine.
I didn’t let the world crush my magic or my eroticsim, like it so easily can and will if we let it.
I defended these things about myself:
My own power, sovereignty and path in the world.
And my own connection to my body, my soul and my sexual nature.
I put that crystal egg up my p****y and I did the WORK.
I’m a living embodiment of magic and power.
And THAT is what a powerful man wants.
At least, the magical ones.
My friends who also embraced their power, their bigness and their path in the world…
While also cultivating their deep energy…
They’re also dating the most EPIC men.
Real Queens truly do attract Real Kings,
It wasn’t like what I got told in childhood, where I guess Kings wanted…the small, weak, disempowered, non-spiritual cartoon feminine with her mouth shut?
I mean, look, I live in LA…
It’s not like I don’t run into that dude every once in a while that’s still chasing around women as trinkets to prove his worth.
But mostly…for the really high quality men I found…
It turns out they want us.
The Sex Witches and CEOs and badass mothers and High Priestesses of power and magic.
I think the world still tells a story that as a woman, you get to have your power OR your erotic magic.
Your business success OR your femininity.
Your divine mother or your sexuality.
I held onto both.
Not to attract men, but just because it felt true.
And then I found, to my utter delight, that most heterosexual men wanted power matches – badass women who could lead and make their way in the world – who also maintained their erotic magic and beauty.
Is it fucked up that we have to fight this sometimes soulless, bone crushing, misogynistic world to keep our erotic magic?
Yeah, I sure believe it is.
But at least if you do manage to hold onto it (or yes, reclaim it)…
It doesn’t relegate you to a lifetime of loneliness in the woods as a solo witch because the Kings aren’t attracted to you.
(Not unless you just want to be a solo witch in the woods…I wouldn’t blame you ;))
There are so many dating coaches out there telling you that you have to be more “feminine” in order to magnetize masculine partners.
I think that can be confusing, at best, especially if we think of leadership and following your dharma and making money as “masculine.”
I believe it’s more nuanced than that, because, from what I’ve seen, powerful men want powerful women who also haven’t forgotten their magic.
I think if you barricade your heart and lock up your body and lose your magic…you’re not going to magnetize anyone of high quality, let alone a King.
One thing I have found while dating is how often men call me “highly feminine.”
And they do say they love it – my femininity.
And I love being a woman and feeling like a woman.
Ahhhhh…it’s the best. 😉
I occur to them as feminine because I feel pleasure through my whole body.
Because I feel everything deeply.
Because I surrender to the flow of life.
Because I’m dynamic and I feel sexy from the inside.
AND I still run two companies.
I crush every day like the boss that I am.
You CAN do both.
In fact, leadership is feminine.
What takes better leadership than being an excellent mother?
Making money is feminine.
What is more feminine than abundance?
You can be in your power and your highly erotic feminine.
So, here’s what I really want to say…
I followed my dharma and stayed true to myself because I don’t really know any other way.
I kind of thought doing that – being unabashedly spiritually deep – overtly magical – and unquestionably fierce and successful – might mean that I’d have to give up on being attractive to powerful men.
It just so turned out that those men were looking for powerful women who claimed their calling – but never gave up on their erotic sensual nature.
Thank the Goddess.
And you know what else I believe?
That if you want the most high quality partner – no matter what your gender expression – that it’s a result of holding onto your power AND your magic.
Your leadership AND your sensual soul.
Your truth AND your fully open heart.
But thank god that real men want High Priestesses and witches.
Because for far too long we got burned at the stake.
Relegated to eating helpless children in the forest alone.
I guess they had to tell us those terrifying stories so that the world wouldn’t discover the truth.
That not only are powerful, erotically alive women what the world craves…
But they are what powerful heterosexual men most desire as well.
The world lost us and we lost ourselves and we’re only just starting to get all the magic back.
The magic this world is starved for.
The magic that powerful men want to make love to.
God, how painful is it that we all collectively forgot this?
It’s time to remember.
Stay with your truth and your authenticity; it will magnetize all the love you could ever desire.