Learning how to surrender during sex is the ultimate way to experience orgasmic ecstasy.
But surrendering doesn’t come easily to most people.
Insecurities, expectations, and conditioned guilt and shame around sex can block you from fully dropping into a sexual experience.
But once you learn how to let all of that go, you can achieve cosmic bliss by surrendering during sex.
When you’re fully present with the pleasure and connection of a sexual experience…
It’s literally better than any drug on earth.
So in this week’s episode, you’re going to discover what surrender is, what’s blocking you from full surrender, and steps to take so that you can experience the indescribable euphoria that comes from surrendering during sex.
Get my FREE Self Care Package and 30-Minute Neo-Tantra Date Night for guided practices that will help you experience the orgasmic ecstasy that comes from surrendering during sex down below.
Transcript:
How To Surrender During Sex
Surrender during sex is one of the most desired states for us, to feel like you’ve dissolved in ecstasy, to feel the loss of sense of self, the loss of judgment and time, and all kinds of other BS, and just be at one with universal bliss, with universal consciousness.
In a state of sexual ecstasy, it’s just like, oh, it’s so longed for and so hungered for. And yet also so difficult to achieve for so many women and so many people generally, because the way that we have been trained to view ourselves sexually is actually counter to surrender. And the way that we’ve been trained to think about our own sexual experience makes it so much harder to surrender.
So I see so many women pressuring themselves to surrender during sex and not realizing that it’s actually that pressure, but also so much of their sexual conditioning that is preventing you from actually surrendering in the way that you desire.
So because we’ve been taught to look at our bodies through patriarchy, and actually through sex negativity and misogyny, there’s so much body shame, so much vulva shame, so much sense of, do I smell okay? Do I look okay? Shame around period blood, shame around body hair. It’s just endless. And all of that leads to a kind of narrowing of the sexual experience, because the more that you’re worried about yourself, the more self-conscious you are, the more you go into what’s called the Dominant Mode Network inside your brain, AKA the neurological center of the ego.
So being in your ego during sex means you’re worried about what’s happening, you’re worried how you look, you’re stressed out, you’re worried if you’re orgasming fast enough, you’re worried if your partner loves you. And all of this is through a lens that sex should be formulaic, that you should look a certain way, that you should orgasm in a certain way, that you should feel pleasure on a certain schedule. Rather than female oriented sex, which is about mystery, and flow, and oceanic pleasure and this openness to all of life.
So all of this shame and this patriarchal misogynistic view on sex creates tension inside of the body and neurologically inside of the mind that makes surrender almost impossible. So to surrender is to step out of the Dominant Mode Network, to get out of your ego during sex and into the spacious realms of beingness and consciousness, where energy is so alive and archetypal experiences and visions and senses of dissolving into the universe are much more possible.
So how do you do this? One is to overturn thousands of years of body hatred and self criticism, and this toxic unworthiness that is pervasive around our bodies. If you’re like, how do I do that? I have lots of other videos on that. And we also do deep dives into this in my programs and inside of Vita Coaching, inside of the methodology as a way to overcome all of this compression inside of the body so that you can tap into a much more surrendered sexual state.
How to get out of the Dominant Mode Network? Well, a couple of tools that I teach that work so well are breath work, meditation and also learning to be so into your pleasure, that pleasure becomes the overriding reality and you lose your sense of self. So I’ve made videos on all of these topics before. I also do deep dives into them in various training programs that I do. But the important thing to remember is that you don’t have to be stuck in your head. There’s tools and techniques that can melt you out of that neurologically and into a space of much greater freedom.
The thing I want you to understand is that those kinds of mind blowing, literally mind blowing orgasms, before we knew about the neurobiology behind it. We actually already knew what was going on because we describe it as the loss of the everyday mind.
This is stepping out of the Dominant Mode Network and stepping into a much deeper space inside of ourselves where we can access so much more of our being and often things that are unconscious or unknown to us. So we can also do deeper healing and deeper integration work inside of this much more liminal space that we can step into sexually.
Everyone, you included, has access to that. It’s literally not that some women are highly orgasmic and others are not. It’s not like some people have this ability to surrender and others don’t. We all have the ability to surrender. In fact, I believe, and science is showing that this surrender experience is actually one of the most healthy things a person can do. It increases mental health stability. It makes people less depressed. It helps people actually heal physically from illnesses. So that’s from a lot of the research that’s being done on psychedelics, showing what happens when people get out of their everyday reality and into this more liminal, spacious, surrendered state, but we don’t have to take psychedelics. We can also do it through sex.
And that’s one of the coolest things I believe is that through locating this inner surrender, it’s not about trying to be like her or this thing you saw in porn or Hollywood. It’s about tapping into your greatest power and doing what actually increases your health, it increases your happiness, and it increases your ability to heal and face life’s greatest challenges with courage, with integrity, and even in many cases, with a sense of profound peace and surrender. Surrender during sex also gives us the ability to surrender to all of life. One of the most powerful states of flow that any of us can step into.
So the first stage is learning to surrender in yourself, which has a lot to do with trust. Trust that you can fall through that portal of control and give up control for a much more exquisite underlying experience, a sense of trust in your body, a sense of trust in your own worthiness, a sense of trust that you belong to the universe so there’s nothing to fear.
And step two is creating that trust with a partner, learning what it takes, what kind of conversations you need to have, what kinds of insecurities or hang ups you need to process with a lover in order to feel more free.
So oftentimes the Dominant Mode Network will kick in again, if we start to be self-conscious with a lover. So one of the great lessons of surrender is how to not be so self-conscious and how to get super wild and super surrendered with a truly safe partner. This again is a massive topic. It’s a huge part of my teachings, how to release that shame, how to create safety together, how to have deep conversations about sex and pleasure, and how to grow together in these spaces. Because learning to surrender isn’t about one of my pet peeves, it’s all about tapping into your inner feminine. And it’s all about holding your inner masculine. That’s so simplistic.
It’s actually about tapping into your nervous system and finding out what keeps you in two dimensional, controlled, egoic reality. And learning to use tools, techniques, and self-love practices that build a sense of trust so that you can release control out of your egoic self and fly in the cosmic universe.
Both men and women have this potential. It’s deeply healing for men and women and gender nonconforming people to enter this deep state of ecstasy that is absolutely our birthright. And safety is a fundamental piece that supports two partners to enter into states of surrender. And I don’t believe that it’s only women who need to surrender. Everybody longs for surrender. So building trust into your partnership, learning to create sexual safety is one of the most important keys to being able to surrender orgasmically into partnership.
So if you want to put this into practice, if you’re longing to learn more and actually turn these into real experiences, I’ve included two free guides down below. The first is a five part self-care package. So if you are solo right now in your practices or single, this will be great for you. And there’s all kinds of practices that will help you actually start to tap into exactly what I’m talking about. Releasing shame, releasing body insecurity, finding a deeper state of flow and using tools like meditation and breath work to step out of two dimensional reality and into your highest surrender.
For those of you in partnership or with a lover, you can download the 30 minute Neo-Tantric Date Night down below, and this will allow you to practice some of these tools that create that level of safety, that level of trust sexually, and start to build the foundation for you to step into deeper and deeper states of sexual surrender.
So if you want to try either of those, they’re totally free. You can click the links down below, sign up with your email address, you get access right away. Please remember to go ahead and surrender to this YouTube channel by clicking subscribe.
I was … By clicking the surrender button we’re flying through the universe. We’ve gotten out of the Dominant Mode Network. And we’re surrendered into universal ecstasy.
(singing)
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