When I said I’d get on a plane to cross an ocean and be with him…
He said, “That’s insane. You love your life in Los Angeles so much.”
I said to him, “You know what’s insane? Finding something like this.
Something so rare and powerful and beautiful…and not crossing an ocean for it.”
I had a friend who dated a very powerful man.
So powerful, the media wrote stories about them.
She whispered to me once…
“It’s so scary because what if I look like a fool?
What if I put my whole heart on the line on the world stage and it doesn’t work out?”
I told her,
“I’d only see the courage it took for you to love that much at all.”
Her courage gave me courage.
Because what if I cross an ocean and it doesn’t work out?
What if I look like a fool?
What if it hurts even more?
What if I give it everything I got and it turns to dust?
I whisper to myself, “I’ll only see the courage it took to love that much at all.”
And don’t think it’s just early relationship love that takes courage.
No, it was 8 ½ years of courage to love Andrew every day.
What if it didn’t work out?
What if I couldn’t handle the day we had to separate our hearts and home?
What if the howling and tears were simply too much?
I’d call my friend, Rachel Pringle, who I admire deeply for her 10-year marriage that is still super hot and super sexy.
And she’d say, “the deeper it goes with Johann, the scarier it gets.
It’s not like it gets easier because, with each passing day, there is more to lose.
It takes courage to love that much, every day.”
Her courage gave me my courage, enough to keep building beautiful things…
Even if they fall apart.
When he shuts down it takes courage to come from the heart.
It would be easier just to burn it all to the ground.
To walk away.
To destroy it before it anyone leaves or hurts me or gives up.
It takes courage to stand in the fire and keep being kind.
Because it means facing the fear that it could end…
And he could walk out the door first.
But actually, truly, the scariest thing is that it could be so fucking good.
It takes courage to let it be so good that you have to uplevel your own worthiness to have it.
My friend Vylana Marcus let herself go all in on “full fuck yes” marriage to Aubrey.
When I first heard about it, I put my phone down and pushed it away.
It would have been easier to just ignore it.
But I picked the phone back up and I listened.
It took courage to believe in that kind of love.
It took courage to believe that I could have it.
She walked the path of fire and heart and stepped straight into Sacred Union.
Her courage gave me my courage.
It takes courage to burn the Fairytale.
To stop believing that True Love or spirituality will save you from the uncomfortable parts of life.
Nothing takes away the pain on this planet.
Although nothing takes away the sweetest pleasures either.
We’re not here to escape, but to live.
To get on planes and cross oceans and risk it every day for the deepest love.
We give each other courage.
The courage to face broken hearts and broken promises and falling flat on our faces.
But mostly, mostly we give each other the courage to go for the goodness…
The sweetest nectar of partnership love.
To face the late night shut downs…
The scariest moments where everything teeters on disaster…
The public embarrassments…
Because we were the crazy fools with big enough hearts to go for golden love.
May our courage rise each other up.
Courage means “to come from the heart.”
It takes all the heart you’ve got to have a love that’s worth it.
Whether it lasts for 100 days or 100 years.
And it takes each one of us to keep giving each other courage to keep going.
Love,
Layla
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